Day Three: Thank You For Shopping (We’re Not Gonna Die Tonight)

Wednesday, 11th April 2012. Washington DC.

and so we go for dinner at Birch & Barley. the restaurant boasts of offering 555 artisinal beers and some of the finest cuisine in DC. they’re not bragging. the guests are all milky white and cosmopolitan. we ask the waiter if he knows a place where we can smoke a cigar. he looks at us as if we’re crazy, and tells us that’s impossible and against the law and that there are no places to do that in Washington,

so we take a cab back to Ozio. most of the guests are black and hispanic and they all smoke cigars. the women too. a black guy in a sharp suit even smokes a funky Popeye-style corn cob pipe. the girls have bigger boobs and the guys broader shoulders and we’re all gonna die.

there’s a mall next to our hotel.  they’ve put a big flag in one of their windows, and written “thank you for shopping” right opposite the flag, but oh the girls have bigger boobs and we have broader shoulders and oh no we’re not gonna die tonight. we’re not gonna die, no. oh, no. not die tonight.